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So, I’ve Decided to be a Wonderbra


I’ll always have a place in my heart for Hannibal Lecter. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’ve never entertained the thought of eating anyone’s liver, even with fava beans and a nice chianti. Or any kind of body part with any kind of side dish, now matter how well it pairs with the wine. I have no homicidal tendencies at all, actually. I’m just not that kind of gal. However, Hannibal only eats rude people. One can’t fully hate him for that. In today’s world, there seems to be plenty of them to go around. Am I wrong?

Dr. Lecter finds rude people to be quite delicious. I’m not culinarily adventurous enough to find out.

Today’s society seems to be embracing the rude and the crude. They populate the casts of popular TV reality shows, they appear in news shows, they are worshipped in the tabloids, and they surround us in our everyday lives, insisting on having their way…Or else! Why do we put up with this? The last thing this country needs is more nasty/self-absorbed/just plain rude people.

At this point in my life, I stand at 6’2″ tall and weigh roughly 200 lbs. (Give or take depending on how much chocolate I’ve had that day.) Ah, the vices you know. Anyway, I’m fairly happy in my image right now, but I wasn’t always. Growing up, I was always the tallest in my class and had next to no meat on my bones. I spent most of my youth as an awkward combination of knees and long arms, bad teeth and acne. How bad were my teeth you ask? At one point I looked like the result of the misguided romance between a shark and a vampire. It also didn’t help that I was really into wizards and vampires way before they were cool. I was a nerd. Needless to say, I was picked on. What’s the point of this little exercise in self-deprecation? Well, you weren’t surprised that I was bullied as a kid, where you? Just a brief description of my former looks and nerdish ways made the fact that I was bullied almost a given. Some people may even say that I brought the harassment onto myself. A lot of teachers actually said this to my face. If I wasn’t so awkward and weird, things could be different.

Like a lot of kids today, my self-esteem was in the gutter. All of these new school programs about raising a kid’s self-esteem can’t fix that kind of hurt. Lowering discipline and grading standards, telling everyone that they are special, yet crushing the kids that don’t necessarily conform is not helping the problem. I think it’s making the problem even worse. Today’s educational systems seem to be churning out self-entitled individuals who don’t seem to think that they need to work very hard to succeed. Our educational system seems to be designed for the express purpose of creating rude people. Mr. Lecter, if you’re out there, you’re in luck.

I grew up, got braces, filled-out, and developed a personal style that I love. I’m still a little awkward, I’m still a huge nerd, but overall I’m doing much better. I seem to have traded my self-esteem issues with masochistic tendencies, though. I’ve put myself through hell working in the customer service and retail industry for the past ten years of my life. During that experience, I’ve been yelled at, cussed out, groped, stalked, called every dirty name in the book, and had items chucked at my head. Rude people. There is no excuse to abuse a service worker just because you think you can, just because you know they have to just smile and take it and there is very little they can do to stop you. Next time you’re on a date, watch how your love interest treats the waitstaff. You’ll learn a lot about them. If they’re outright nasty to the help, RUN!

Burlesque beauty Dita Von Tease modeling her Wonderbra line.

So, what is my plan to save the world from all of the nasties? I’m going to be a Wonderbra. Seriously. Wonderbras are complimentary and supportive. They are uplifting to those who feel like they’re drooping and they raise confidence and self-esteem. They make women feel beautiful and give them the courage to put on that daring dress. I’m going to go out of my way to be NICE. It’s really not that hard. Please, thank you, smile. That’s usually all it really takes. Be patient with your cashier. It’s not their fault that the line is hellacious and you’re in a hurry. If someone seems down, try to pick them up. Hold doors open. Is someone’s project getting picked apart? Find something positive about it. You can make someone’s day just by giving them a compliment, you can destroy it by shouting at them. People hold a lot of power, but they don’t realize it. Take hold of that power and use it for something good. That’s my challenge to you. Be uplifting to humanity, like the Wonderbra.

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About melaniekoraleski

Hello everyone! I am a graphic artist/makeup-artist-in-training/bookworm from Omaha, NE. I write about whatever happens to be floating around in my brain at the moment. Stop by my blog and take a look around. Cheers!

4 responses »

  1. I adore you and your fabulous style! I am now stalking your blog, which I’ve vowed to do, the minute I had to sat down at the computer and DO so! xo

    Reply
  2. I LOVE this! I’m totally going to start being a Wonderbra myself πŸ™‚

    Reply

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